


Regrets, Time, and Everything in Between

by star54kar



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drama, Friendship, Gen, General, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Moments, Tragedy, canon character death, canon compilant, grieving/mourning, protective, remembering, year written: 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-06 19:18:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star54kar/pseuds/star54kar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> He understood of course.  It was far more important for the Doctor to put the safety of the entire Universe over the eminent destruction of Jack's personal universe.  But just because he understood didn't mean that he had to be happy about it.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets, Time, and Everything in Between

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been written for [Challenge #30](http://redisourcolor.livejournal.com/75434.html) at [](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=redisourcolor)[**redisourcolor**](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=redisourcolor). Thank you to [](http://sariagray.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**sariagray**](http://sariagray.dreamwidth.org/) for being a wonderfully generous mod and giving me permission to post this story for the community in light of the new temporary format. I hope you enjoy it.

  


**Title:** Regrets, Time, and Everything in Between  
 **Summary:** _He understood of course. It was far more important for the Doctor to put the safety of the entire Universe over the eminent destruction of Jack's personal universe. But just because he understood didn't mean that he had to be happy about it._  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Warnings:** Reference to canon character deaths  
 **Characters:** Jack Harkness and the 11th Doctor  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood, Doctor Who, or any of the characters associated with either television series.  
 **Spoilers:** Specific references to the events of Torchwood: Children of Earth and Series 5 of Doctor Who.  
 **Word Count:** 1,316  
 **Author's Notes:** This story has been written for [Challenge #30](http://redisourcolor.livejournal.com/75434.html) at [](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=redisourcolor)[**redisourcolor**](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=redisourcolor). Thank you to [](http://sariagray.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**sariagray**](http://sariagray.dreamwidth.org/) for being a wonderfully generous mod and giving me permission to post this story for the community in light of the new temporary format. I hope you enjoy it.

  


  
Regrets, Time, and Everything in Between    


Jack stood alone on the shore of a colony on the planet Xkapaxitanous, breathing in the salty air and staring out to sea. It had been nearly a year since he'd left Gwen behind on that hill top and ran as far away from the Earth as he could manage to get in the twenty-first century. He traveled from world to world as his whims suited him, but he never managed to outrun the constant pain that had consumed his heart and refused to diminish over time. It made sense, Jack supposed that he couldn't run away from something that had become a part of him, but that didn't stop him from trying.

"You'd think I'd be used to this by now," Jack muttered to himself as his thoughts turned once more to his most recent losses. He'd lost hundreds of people he'd loved over the course of his lifetime, but the holes left behind by Ianto and Steven had become two festering, infected wounds that lingered in the depths of his soul. He was stupid, he was careless, he should have known better, and it cost Ianto his life. Then before he even had a chance to properly mourn for the man who had died in his arms, Jack killed his own grandson in order to save millions of other children from the aliens that threatened them.

It was why he needed to leave Earth behind. Everyone he loved crumbled to dust, but the ones he chose to trust--- the ones that knew the truth about him, always met a premature and violent end. Aside from his continued grief, that was the real reason he needed to leave Gwen behind. He couldn't face her acceptance of the monstrous decision he had made and he couldn't allow her to follow him into an early grave. Jack couldn't afford to lose her, not now, not ever---and he was certain that his continued presence would be her death sentence. He left her behind to save her from himself. She was the only one left that he could still protect.

He was disrupted from his self destructive thoughts by the sound of approaching footsteps and Jack sighed. The more he wanted to be alone, the more people tried to approach him. It was inevitable. He tried to discourage them from joining him by keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the horizon as a young man appeared at his side. The stranger did not speak, perhaps intuitively understanding Jack's need for reflection, and focused his gaze out to sea as well.

Jack considered moving on but decided against it. It was a public beach and the man wasn't bothering him. They stood together in silence for a long time before the young man finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, Jack," the man said quietly.

Jack tensed at the sound of his name and turned to look at the man more closely. He took in the man's unusual style of dress: a red bow tie with matching braces peeking out from underneath a tweed jacket. He'd never seen this man before. He had floppy light brown hair, a distinctive nose, and was handsome in odd, almost goofy sort of way. But one look into the man's eyes, eyes that appeared far older than his years, and Jack suddenly knew the identity of the man standing beside him.

The Doctor nodded in acknowledgement of Jack's recognition but didn't say anything further.

Jack sighed and turned back to face the ocean before he asked, "Where the hell have you been, Doctor?"

"Here and there," the Doctor answered casually. "Went through a spot of regeneration and then became rather busy fighting cracks in the fabric of time and space, caused by the TARDIS explosion that nearly caused the entire Universe to cease to exist."

Jack blinked as he continued staring out to sea, willing the moisture in his eyes to remain there as he took in the Doctor's matter of fact explanation. He understood of course. It was far more important for the Doctor to put the safety of the entire Universe over the eminent destruction of Jack's personal universe. But just because he understood didn't mean that he had to be happy about it.

When the Doctor moved to place a hand on his shoulder, a burst of anger flared violently through Jack and he shrugged him off. "Leave it!" Jack hissed as he fought to keep his emotions under control.

"I can't," the Doctor replied calmly.

"Yes, you can. It's easy," Jack spat bitterly, "Leave it. Walk away. You're good at that." Tears burned at the corner of Jack's eyes but he refused to let them fall; refused to cry in front of the Doctor.

"No, Jack," the Doctor clarified. "I won't."

"Why not, Doc?" Jack asked as he glared at the Doctor. "What makes this different from any other time? Just get in your TARDIS and leave me behind. You'd be doing both of us a favor."

The Doctor sighed sadly and answered, "Because I know what it's like to live with the edge of a blade resting against your heart, Jack. How it feels to have the people you love trickle away through the sands of time until they are beyond your reach, forever."

The Doctor stepped closer and looked Jack dead in the eyes as he said, "Because you're my friend, Jack. You're hurting and I am trying to finally manage to do something right by you."

The anger deflated as quickly as it flared and despite knowing the answer Jack couldn't prevent himself from asking, "Can you fix it?"

"No, Jack. I'm sorry. It was a fixed point," the Doctor answered solemnly.

Jack sighed, and the small flame of hope flickered out just as quickly as it appeared. "I figured as much."

He turned back to the horizon. The mostly empty beach now held a few more scattered occupants. One man walked against the edge of the waterline, searching for treasures. Another was out walking their dog. Jack raised his hand to his eyes, shielding them against the misty glare as he looked out as far as he could. Next to him, the Doctor mirrored his actions and the two of them fell into silence once again.

"I don't know how to do this anymore," Jack said after a long while. "I can't stop thinking about everything I've done and everything I should have done. I have so many regrets that sometimes I think I could fill a whole ocean with them."

The Doctor was silent for a moment, "Regrets are part of life, Jack," he finally responded, "and you and I have lived for considerably longer than most."

"Yeah," Jack agreed quietly.

"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets," the Doctor said as he moved again to place a supporting hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack allowed it this time and turned his head to face the Doctor as he continued, "You'll survive this, Jack. Not just because you have to but because you are strong. A weaker man would have lost his sanity in the face of what you've experienced. It will take time but eventually your heart will heal."

"Well," Jack said shakily. "If there's one thing that I have, it's time."

He had more regrets than anyone should have to face in a single lifetime, and there were not many of them that he could say were the right regrets. Not even the Doctor had the power to fix his past and like it or not, Jack needed to keep moving forward. At least now, for the moment anyway, he didn't have to face those regrets alone. The Doctor stood beside him, supporting him in silence as Jack turned once more to face the brilliant Xkapaxitanous sea, took a deep breath, and looked out to the far horizon.


End file.
